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11 October 2026

The Miracle of Teshuvah

Slichot, the four stages of teshuvah according to the Rambam, and an answer to the question: how much longer should you blame yourself for the past? On how repentance restores strength instead of draining it.

The Bat Meleh editors

Reading 5 min

Last night, in Orthodox synagogues around the world, Slichot were recited — special penitential prayers before Rosh Hashanah.

The word “Slichot” comes from slicha — forgiveness. But whose forgiveness are we talking about? Forgiveness from Hashem? Yes.

But there’s another person who’s sometimes especially hard to forgive. That person is ourselves. We can carry our mistakes for years. Returning in our minds to words we said. To actions we’re not proud of. To relationships we damaged. To decisions we’d make completely differently today.

And inside, a voice keeps saying:

“How could I have done that?”
“Why did I do it?”
“If only I could turn back time…”

And we go on living in the present — but emotionally, we stay stuck in the past. So what do our sages say about this? The Rambam, in Hilchot Teshuvah, writes something remarkable:

“In this time, when there is no Temple and no altar of atonement, there is nothing but teshuvah.”

And further:

“Teshuvah atones for all sins.”

“Even if a person was wicked his whole life and makes teshuvah at the end of it — his past deeds are never brought up again.”

This is an absolutely extraordinary idea. Hashem says to each of us:

“You are not the sum of your mistakes.”

You have a past. But you also have the power to change your present and your future.

Four steps of teshuvah:

Teshuvah isn’t simply saying, “I’m sorry.” The Rambam identifies four stages of teshuvah.

1. Azivat ha-cheit — leaving the sin. Not just regretting it, but stopping the behavior.

2. Charata — remorse. Understanding what was done wrong, and truly feeling how wrong and harmful it was.

3. Kabalah le-atid — committing to the future. Not just “I feel bad about what happened,” but:

“Now I will act differently.”

4. Vidui — confessing before Hashem in words. Expressing all of this before Him.

What emerges is a remarkable sequence:

I stop → I understand → I commit → I speak about it with the Creator.

This isn’t self-flagellation anymore. It’s moving forward.

Does teshuvah affect the body?

We know that a person’s inner state can show up physically: prolonged stress, anxiety, guilt, and inner tension affect sleep, muscles, digestion, blood pressure, and overall well-being.

Sometimes a person carries, for years, something she should have let go of long ago. There’s a well-known historical example often brought up when discussing the connection between emotions and the body.

In the 1880s, the French neurologist Jean-Martin Charcot observed women suffering from hysterical paralysis: their arms or legs would suddenly stop working, even though doctors found no nerve or muscle damage. One of his patients was Blanche Wittmann, known as the “queen of hysterics.” Her body seemed to express what her mind couldn’t bear to put into words.

It’s important to understand: at the time, doctors didn’t yet have today’s understanding of psychosomatic disorders, and the term “hysteria” itself is now considered outdated. But these observations became one of the earliest historical proofs that inner conflict can express itself through the body — even to the point of temporary loss of movement.

Picture a woman who has lived for years with a single thought:

“I ruined my life back then, years ago.”

She replays the same story over and over. What happened can’t be changed. But each time, the body gets the same signal:

“The danger is still here.”

This is how bodily tension forms — and it stays there until she changes how she relates to what happened. How can this be done?

Say it sincerely to yourself:

“I acknowledge what happened. I accept responsibility for it. I regret what I did. I fix what I can fix. And now I stop punishing myself every day for something that already belongs to the past.”

Before that, ask yourself:

“How much longer am I going to blame and torment myself?”

This is a very powerful question. It helps you see that guilt and self-blame can become a habit — but they don’t have to be your fate.

Sincere teshuvah — all four of its stages — helps turn guilt into responsibility, and responsibility into real change in your life.

Guilt or teshuvah?

Sometimes we think repentance means constantly feeling bad about ourselves. It doesn’t.

Guilt says, “I am bad.” Teshuvah says, “I did something wrong — but I can change.”

And that’s a huge difference.

In the first case, a person looks back and tears herself apart. In the second, she looks back, learns the lesson, and starts moving forward. And perhaps that’s why teshuvah is so closely tied to life.

Because real repentance doesn’t crush a person. It gives her back her strength.

Slichot isn’t the time to tell Hashem:

“Look how bad I am.”

It’s the time to say:

“Dear Father, I want to come back.”

Come back to You. Come back to myself. Come back to the woman I can truly become.

And maybe that’s exactly why the word teshuvah doesn’t simply mean “repentance.”

It’s related to the word lashuv — to return. And returning is always movement.

From the past — to the present.
From guilt — to responsibility.
From despair — to hope.
From who you were — to who you can be.

And in the month of Elul, the Creator gives us special support on this path. So if not now, then when? Go for it! Good luck!

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